Activity Check #120

crutch · 08-14-2016, 11:59 PM

WELCOME TO....

ACTIVTY CHECK #120

IS

CRUTCHFIELD!!!!

AND I AM THE NEW MILLENNIUM FOR THE SIMULATION HOCKEY LEAAAGUE!

NOW FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DON'T KNOW ME - I AM CHRIS CRUTCHFIELD, YOUR NEW HERO, YOUR PARTY HOST, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY THE MOST CHARISMATIC SHOWMAN TO EVER ENTER YOUR LIVING ROOM VIA A COMPUTER SCREEN!!!

AND FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DO KNOW ME, WELL ALL HAIL THE AYATOLLAH OF SHIT POSTING AND CHEWING TOBACCO!!

NOW WHEN YOU THINK OF THE NEW MILLENNIUM, YOU THINK OF AN EVENT SO GIGANTIC THAT IT CHANGES THE COURSE OF HISTORY!

YOU THINK OF A DAWNING OF A NEW ERA... IN THIS CASE, THE DAWNING OF A NEW ERA IN THE SIMULATION HOCKEY LEAGUE!!!!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

AND A NEW ERA IS WHAT THIS ONCE PROUD AND PROFITABLE LEAGUE SORELY NEEDS! WHAT WAS ONCE A CAPTIVATING, TRENDSETTING LEAGUE HAS NOW DETERIORATED INTO A CLICHED, let's be honest... boring SNOOZEFEST THAT IS IN DIRE NEED OF A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR!!!

AND THAT'S WHY I'M HERE!!

CHRIS CRUTCHFIELD HAS COME TO SAVE THE S...H...L!!!

NOW LET'S GO OVER THE FACTS! TELEVISION RATINGS: DOWNWARD SPIRAL. JERSEY SALES: PLUMMETING! MAINSTREAM ACCEPTANCE: NON EXISTANT!

AND REACTIONS OF THE LIVE CROWDS: COMPLETE AND UTTER SILENCE!

AND I KNOW WHY YOU'RE SILENT! YOU'RE SILENT BECAUSE YOU'RE EMBARRASSED TO BE HERE!!

AND QUITE HONESTLY I'M EMBARRASSED FOR YOU! AND THE REASON WHY YOU'RE EMBARRASSED IS BECAUSE OF THE STEADY STREAM OF UNINTERESTING, UNTALENTED, MEDIOCRE "SIM HOCKEY PLAYERS" WHO YOU ARE FORCED TO CHEER FOR AND CARE FOR!

NO WONDER YOU'RE NOT CHEERING!

YOU COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT EVERY SINGLE IDIOT IN THAT DRESSING ROOM

AND ESPECIALLY THAT IDIOT WHO MADE THE LAST ACTIVITY CHECK!

YOU PEOPLE HAVE BEEN LED TO BELIEVE THAT MEDIOCRITY IS EXCELLENCE!!

NUH UH!

CRUTCHFIELD IS EXCELLENCE!!!!!!!!

AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN SHL HISTORY, YOU HAVE A MAN WHO CAN ENTERTAIN YOU! YOU HAVE A MAN THAT IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU! YOU HAVE A MAN WHO CAN MAKE YOU JUMP OFF YOUR CHAIRS AND RAISE YOUR FILTHY FAT LITTLE HANDS IN THE AIR AND SCREAM...

GO CRUTCHFIELD GO!!!

GO CRUTCHFIELD GO!!!

GO CRUTCHFIELD GO!!!

THANK YOU!

THE NEW MILLENNIUM HAS ARRIVED IN THE SHL! AND NOW THAT THE Y2CRUTCHFIELD PROBLEM IS HERE, THIS COMPANY FROM THE HEAD OFFICE IDIOTS, TO ALL THE AMATEURS IN THE DRESSING ROOMS, INCLUDING THE BARELY PROFESSIONAL HAMILTON STEELHAWKS, TO EVERYBODY WATCHING TONIGHT, WILL NEEE-E-E-EE-VER BE THE SAME AGAAAAAIN!

[Image: chrisjerichorawrebut.jpg]