a streaking Joseph Weston

My birthday suit is my best jersey tbh

I'm scared for your ice burn

Good lord, the humanity! The scorekeeper has been hauled out of his booth by security, after getting the current game's lineup mixed up with a game from earlier in the playoffs. That man has a family!

(whoops)

We got him fellas

Thanks to @karey and @jss for the sigs!

Teddy Cuddles  |  RW  | Edmonton Blizzard | Hall of Fame
Player Type : Two Way Forward
Height: 6'5" | Weight: 220 lbs | Age: 19
Number: 79
Birthplace: Providence, Rhode Island, USA
--------------------------------------------------------------
Regular Season Stats :
S35 | STL | GP:28 | G:2 | A:1 | P:3 | PIMs:5 | HIT:7 | Shots:25 | +/-:-4
S36 | STL | GP:50 | G:10 | A:10 | P:20 | PIMs:5 | HIT:97 | Shots:88 | +/-:-1
S37 | STL | GP:50 | G:13 | A:27 | P:40 | PIMs:56 | HIT:120| Shots:146 | +/-:+10
S38 | EDM | GP:50 | G:6 | A:7 | P:13 | PIMs:62 | HIT:114 | Shots:83 | +/-:-18
S39 | EDM | GP:50 | G:7 | A:15 | P:22 | PIMs:36 | HIT:161 | Shots:78 | +/-:-10
S40 | EDM | GP:50 | G:13 | A:29 | P:42 | PIMs:46 | HIT:197 | Shots:109 | +/-:+7
S41 | EDM | GP:50 | G:17 | A:17 | P:34 | PIMs:49 | HIT:143 | Shots:121 | +/-:-4
S42 | EDM | GP:50 | G:17 | A:24 | P:41 | PIMs:52 | HIT:135 | Shots:132 | +/-:+9
S43 | EDM | GP:50 | G:14 | A:23 | P:37 | PIMs:24 | HIT:121 | Shots:121 | +/-:-2
S44 | EDM | GP:50 | G:21 | A:32 | P:53 | PIMs:28 | HIT:131 | Shots:214 | +/-:+19
S45 | EDM | GP:50 | G:13 | A:24 | P:37 | PIMs:51 | HIT:170 | Shots:185 | +/-:+9
S46 | EDM | GP:50 | G:29 | A:31 | P:60 | PIMs:53 | HIT:152 | Shots:195 | +/-:+9
S47 | EDM | GP:50 | G:17 | A:33 | P:50 | PIMs:46 | HIT:182 | Shots:199 | +/-:+8
S48 | EDM | GP:50 | G:22 | A:23 | P:45 | PIMs:26 | HIT:182 | Shots:210 | +/-:+7
S49 | EDM | GP:50 | G:20 | A:25 | P:45 | PIMs:36 | HIT:149 | Shots:208 | +/-:+1
--------------------------------------------------------------
Post Season Stats :
S35 | STL | GP:7 | G:0 | A:0 | P:0 | PIMs:0 | HIT:2 | Shots:4 | +/-:+1
S36 | STL | GP:6 | G:1 | A:1 | P:2 | PIMs:7 | HIT:14 | Shots:12 | +/-:+3
S37 | STL | GP:13 | G:4 | A:5 | P:9 | PIMs:26 | HIT:26 | Shots:30 | +/-:+7
S38 | EDM | Did not qualify
S39 | EDM | GP:7 | G:3 | A:3 | P:6 | PIMs:4 | HIT:18 | Shots:10 | +/-:+1
S40 | EDM | GP:7 | G:1 | A:6 | P:7 | PIMs:4 | HIT:33 | Shots:15 | +/-:+2
S41 | EDM | GP:7 | G:2 | A:3 | P:5 | PIMs:12 | HIT:15 | Shots:15 | +/-:+1
S42 | EDM | GP:11 | G:5 | A:8 | P:13 | PIMs:10 | HIT:25 | Shots:38 | +/-:+1
S43 | EDM | Did not Qualify
S44 | EDM | GP:11 | G:4 | A:7 | P:11 | PIMs:12 | HIT:31 | Shots:42 | +/-:+3
S45 | EDM | GP:18 | G:7 | A:11 | P:18 | PIMs:24 | HIT:56 | Shots:68 | +/-:+8
S46 | EDM | GP:4 | G:0 | A:0 | P:0 | PIMs:2 | HIT:9 | Shots:11 | +/-:-5
S47 | EDM | GP:6 | G:3 | A:2 | P:5 | PIMs:6 | HIT:24 | Shots:25 | +/-:+2
S48 | EDM | GP:5 | G:2 | A:2 | P:4 | PIMs:0 | HIT:11 | Shots:19 | +/-:0
S49 | EDM | GP:23 | G:7 | A:17 | P:24 | PIMs:18 | HIT:76 | Shots:89 | +/-:-2
--------------------------------------------------------------
Awards and Achievements:
S37 | STL Kanye Summers Award for Regular Season Team MVP
S37 | STL Bradley Wingels Award for Best Forward
S40 | Gold Medal Winner
S40 | Aidan Richan Trophy Winner
S44 | Became 4th player in Edmonton Blizzard History to reach 1000 Hits
S45 | Challenge Cup Champion
S45 | Anton Razov Trophy for Playoff MVP
S45 | Silver Medal Winner
S46 | 1st Team All Star
S46 | Sarmad Kahn Nominee
S46 | Jef Darr Nominee
S47 | Jef Darr Nominee
S49 | Challenge Cup Champion
S49 | Anton Razov Nominee
--------------------------------------------------------------
Draft/Signing/Trade History:
S35 | Signed to STL
S36 | Drafted to Calgary 26th overall
S36 | Traded to Edmonton


Ambacas “Femboy Hooters” Cuddles | D | Tampa Bay Barracuda

Former USA Fed Head, Carolina Kraken Co-GM, Tampa Bay Barracuda GM

We got him fellas

                    John Brown | RD | TBB
570 TPE, 6'3, 204 lbs.
S67 - Drafted 1OA by the Nevada Battleborn
S68 - SMJHL All-Star
S68 - Drafted 6OA by the Tampa Bay Barracuda
S69 - SMJHL All-Star
S69 - SMJHL All Defense Team
S69 - Alexis Metzler Award
S70 - SMJHL All-Star

S66 Damian Littleton

      Joseph Weston || Winger || Los Angeles Panthers        
Joseph Weston || Winger || Los Angeles Panthers        
                                  1885 Peak TPE, 6'1", 202 Lbs.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Regular Season Stats:
S49 | MTL | GP: 50 | G: 08 | A: 03 | P: 11 | +/-: 03 | MP: 621
S50 | CAR | GP: 50 | G: 17 | A: 22 | P: 39 | +/-: 02 | MP: 766
S51 | CAR | GP: 50 | G: 20 | A: 28 | P: 48 | +/-: 25 | MP: 807
S52 | CAR | GP: 50 | G: 19 | A: 20 | P: 39 | +/-: 08 | MP: 957
S53 | CGY | GP: 50 | G: 10 | A: 19 | P: 29 | +/-: 11 | TOI: 17:06
S54 | CGY | GP: 50 | G: 06 | A: 14 | P: 20 | +/-: -6 | TOI: 17:17
S55 | CGY | GP: 50 | G: 12 | A: 17 | P: 29 | +/-: 15 | TOI: 16:57
S56 | CGY | GP: 50 | G: 17 | A: 29 | P: 46 | +/-: 44 | TOI: 18:33
S57 | CGY | GP: 66 | G: 28 | A: 27 | P: 55 | +/-: 33 | TOI: 18:57
S58 | CGY | GP: 66 | G: 28 | A: 28 | P: 56 | +/-: 31 | TOI: 20:19
S59 | CGY | GP: 66 | G: 31 | A: 42 | P: 73 | +/-: 31 | TOI: 22:15
S60 | CGY | GP: 66 | G: 28 | A: 31 | P: 59 | +/-: 27 | TOI: 22:09
S61 | CGY | GP: 66 | G: 36 | A: 35 | P: 71 | +/-: 13 | TOI: 21:45
S62 | CGY | GP: 66 | G: 25 | A: 44 | P: 69 | +/-: 12 | TOI: 21:19
S63 | TOR | GP: 66 | G: 11 | A: 27 | P: 38 | +/-: -15 | TOI: 19:40
S64 | LAP  | GP: 66 | G: 18 | A: 28 | P: 46 | +/-: 19 | TOI: 18:11
S65 | LAP  | GP: 66 | G: 14 | A: 24 | P: 38 | +/-: 21 | TOI: 17:53
S66 | LAP | GP: TBD | G: TBD | A: TBD | P: TBD | +/-: TBD | TOI: TBD
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Awards:
S49 Montreal Militia Four Star Cup Champions
S50 Carolina Kraken Four Star Cup Champions
S50 Zach Miller Trophy Nomination
S50 Vyacheslav Onoprienko Trophy
S50 WJC USA Bronze Medal
S50 & S51 Carolina Kraken Assistant Captain
S51 SMJHL All-Star
S51 Laurifer Trophy
S52 Carolina Kraken Captain
S52 WJC USA Captain
S53 SHL All-Rookie Team
S54 Calgary Dragons Assistant Captain
S56-S58 Calgary Dragons Assistant Captain
S59-S63 Calgary Dragons Captain
S59 SHL All-Star Game
S60 SHL All-Star Game
S61 SHL All-Star Game
S63 United States of America IIHF Gold Medal
S63 SHL All-Star Game
S65 Challenge Cup Champion


|| ||
| |

After a few moments, the physical play picks up in intensity. Every takeaway and stick check seems to have a little mustard on it, and the flurry culminates in a huge hit by...

Heikki Jaakola! He comes barrelling in on Kelowna's Gylfi Eriksson, who's knocked down and stripped of the puck. A game of hot potato ensues, until a scrambling Ryan Shepard finds it loose and moves to flee the zone. But...

...he's nailed by Phineas Gold, who's not to be out-done. Now that's what I call rookie-on-rookie violence!

@"Z0REM" That's the physical kick-ass play we know you for!

                    John Brown | RD | TBB
570 TPE, 6'3, 204 lbs.
S67 - Drafted 1OA by the Nevada Battleborn
S68 - SMJHL All-Star
S68 - Drafted 6OA by the Tampa Bay Barracuda
S69 - SMJHL All-Star
S69 - SMJHL All Defense Team
S69 - Alexis Metzler Award
S70 - SMJHL All-Star

S66 Damian Littleton

      Joseph Weston || Winger || Los Angeles Panthers        
Joseph Weston || Winger || Los Angeles Panthers        
                                  1885 Peak TPE, 6'1", 202 Lbs.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Regular Season Stats:
S49 | MTL | GP: 50 | G: 08 | A: 03 | P: 11 | +/-: 03 | MP: 621
S50 | CAR | GP: 50 | G: 17 | A: 22 | P: 39 | +/-: 02 | MP: 766
S51 | CAR | GP: 50 | G: 20 | A: 28 | P: 48 | +/-: 25 | MP: 807
S52 | CAR | GP: 50 | G: 19 | A: 20 | P: 39 | +/-: 08 | MP: 957
S53 | CGY | GP: 50 | G: 10 | A: 19 | P: 29 | +/-: 11 | TOI: 17:06
S54 | CGY | GP: 50 | G: 06 | A: 14 | P: 20 | +/-: -6 | TOI: 17:17
S55 | CGY | GP: 50 | G: 12 | A: 17 | P: 29 | +/-: 15 | TOI: 16:57
S56 | CGY | GP: 50 | G: 17 | A: 29 | P: 46 | +/-: 44 | TOI: 18:33
S57 | CGY | GP: 66 | G: 28 | A: 27 | P: 55 | +/-: 33 | TOI: 18:57
S58 | CGY | GP: 66 | G: 28 | A: 28 | P: 56 | +/-: 31 | TOI: 20:19
S59 | CGY | GP: 66 | G: 31 | A: 42 | P: 73 | +/-: 31 | TOI: 22:15
S60 | CGY | GP: 66 | G: 28 | A: 31 | P: 59 | +/-: 27 | TOI: 22:09
S61 | CGY | GP: 66 | G: 36 | A: 35 | P: 71 | +/-: 13 | TOI: 21:45
S62 | CGY | GP: 66 | G: 25 | A: 44 | P: 69 | +/-: 12 | TOI: 21:19
S63 | TOR | GP: 66 | G: 11 | A: 27 | P: 38 | +/-: -15 | TOI: 19:40
S64 | LAP  | GP: 66 | G: 18 | A: 28 | P: 46 | +/-: 19 | TOI: 18:11
S65 | LAP  | GP: 66 | G: 14 | A: 24 | P: 38 | +/-: 21 | TOI: 17:53
S66 | LAP | GP: TBD | G: TBD | A: TBD | P: TBD | +/-: TBD | TOI: TBD
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Awards:
S49 Montreal Militia Four Star Cup Champions
S50 Carolina Kraken Four Star Cup Champions
S50 Zach Miller Trophy Nomination
S50 Vyacheslav Onoprienko Trophy
S50 WJC USA Bronze Medal
S50 & S51 Carolina Kraken Assistant Captain
S51 SMJHL All-Star
S51 Laurifer Trophy
S52 Carolina Kraken Captain
S52 WJC USA Captain
S53 SHL All-Rookie Team
S54 Calgary Dragons Assistant Captain
S56-S58 Calgary Dragons Assistant Captain
S59-S63 Calgary Dragons Captain
S59 SHL All-Star Game
S60 SHL All-Star Game
S61 SHL All-Star Game
S63 United States of America IIHF Gold Medal
S63 SHL All-Star Game
S65 Challenge Cup Champion


|| ||
| |

SOMEBODY HIT SOMEBODY

The play slides back from zone to zone, as both teams fail to get a solid grip on the game. Just as it looks like one team will take control, the other claws back in. This continues for several minutes, until...

(this is why you include player renders in your profiles, folks)

Goal: Tah Puhcheese

Assists: Josef Novotny, Big Fudge

(10:47 of the first)

It's in!

Novotny's face-off winner was key in maintaining pressure in Montreal's zone. The play was worked back to the point, where Fudge barely managed to keep the puck in play, and a quick pass from Novotny to Tah Puhcheese left the Kelowna Winger wide open. A sprawling Mike Hunt was no match for the wrister, and the Knights have taken a 1-0 lead here in game 1.

Ryan Shepard || #21 || C || Chicago Syndicate || S50 || 2086 TPE
Age: 22
Height: 6'0"
Weight: 190lbs
Birthplace: Slave Lake, Alberta
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SMJHL Regular Season Statistics:

S49| KEL| GP:50| G:5 | A:6 | P:11| +\-:-2 | PIM:12| H:30| SH%:7.58

S50| KEL| GP:50| G:17| A:38| P:55| +\-:17| PIM:40| H:43| SH%:12.78

S51| KEL| GP:50| G:15| A:26| P:41| +\-:3| PIM:12| H:52| SH%:11.28

S52| KEL| GP:50| G:17| A:31| P:48| +\-:29| PIM:8| H:58| SH%:11.89%

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SMJHL Playoff Statistics:

S49| KEL| GP:17| G:5| A:1| P:6| +\-:-7| PIM:0| H:14| SH%:29.41

S50| KEL| GP:6| G:1| A:2| P:3| +\-:0| PIM:0| H:10| SH%:4.55

S51| KEL| GP:20| G:6| A:6| P:12| +\-:0| PIM:12| H:18| SH%:13.33

S52| KEL| GP:13| G:4| A:7| P:11| +\-:0| PIM:12| H:20| SH%:13.79

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Awards & Achievements:

S49 - SMJHL: Drafted 1st overall by Kelowna

S50 - SHL: Drafted 5th overall by Chicago

S50 - S52: Captain of the Kelowna Knights

S50: WJC Silver Medal

S51: WJC Gold Medal

S52: WJC Silver Medal

 

NOOOO

The Knights have struck first, but the Militia are not done.

Just minutes later, Montreal has made it deep in the Kelowna zone when defender Padraig Sarantez flips a loose puck toward Thorstrom.

The shot misses.

He tries as hard as he can to get his own rebound, and surely this time he'll make no mistake!

...The shot misses.

That's alright, his teammate will bail him out. Bobby Lane scrambles to the loose puck and the fans in the stands are left wondering whether Knights goalie Thorstrom even knows if the play is still alive!

No worries here, Knights fans! A true testament to his outstanding reaction time, Alexander Thorstrom kicks it into high gear to get across the crease and deny the Militia rookie a sure goal. So close!

Heck u Thorstrom

We still in this

Thanks to @karey and @jss for the sigs!

Teddy Cuddles  |  RW  | Edmonton Blizzard | Hall of Fame
Player Type : Two Way Forward
Height: 6'5" | Weight: 220 lbs | Age: 19
Number: 79
Birthplace: Providence, Rhode Island, USA
--------------------------------------------------------------
Regular Season Stats :
S35 | STL | GP:28 | G:2 | A:1 | P:3 | PIMs:5 | HIT:7 | Shots:25 | +/-:-4
S36 | STL | GP:50 | G:10 | A:10 | P:20 | PIMs:5 | HIT:97 | Shots:88 | +/-:-1
S37 | STL | GP:50 | G:13 | A:27 | P:40 | PIMs:56 | HIT:120| Shots:146 | +/-:+10
S38 | EDM | GP:50 | G:6 | A:7 | P:13 | PIMs:62 | HIT:114 | Shots:83 | +/-:-18
S39 | EDM | GP:50 | G:7 | A:15 | P:22 | PIMs:36 | HIT:161 | Shots:78 | +/-:-10
S40 | EDM | GP:50 | G:13 | A:29 | P:42 | PIMs:46 | HIT:197 | Shots:109 | +/-:+7
S41 | EDM | GP:50 | G:17 | A:17 | P:34 | PIMs:49 | HIT:143 | Shots:121 | +/-:-4
S42 | EDM | GP:50 | G:17 | A:24 | P:41 | PIMs:52 | HIT:135 | Shots:132 | +/-:+9
S43 | EDM | GP:50 | G:14 | A:23 | P:37 | PIMs:24 | HIT:121 | Shots:121 | +/-:-2
S44 | EDM | GP:50 | G:21 | A:32 | P:53 | PIMs:28 | HIT:131 | Shots:214 | +/-:+19
S45 | EDM | GP:50 | G:13 | A:24 | P:37 | PIMs:51 | HIT:170 | Shots:185 | +/-:+9
S46 | EDM | GP:50 | G:29 | A:31 | P:60 | PIMs:53 | HIT:152 | Shots:195 | +/-:+9
S47 | EDM | GP:50 | G:17 | A:33 | P:50 | PIMs:46 | HIT:182 | Shots:199 | +/-:+8
S48 | EDM | GP:50 | G:22 | A:23 | P:45 | PIMs:26 | HIT:182 | Shots:210 | +/-:+7
S49 | EDM | GP:50 | G:20 | A:25 | P:45 | PIMs:36 | HIT:149 | Shots:208 | +/-:+1
--------------------------------------------------------------
Post Season Stats :
S35 | STL | GP:7 | G:0 | A:0 | P:0 | PIMs:0 | HIT:2 | Shots:4 | +/-:+1
S36 | STL | GP:6 | G:1 | A:1 | P:2 | PIMs:7 | HIT:14 | Shots:12 | +/-:+3
S37 | STL | GP:13 | G:4 | A:5 | P:9 | PIMs:26 | HIT:26 | Shots:30 | +/-:+7
S38 | EDM | Did not qualify
S39 | EDM | GP:7 | G:3 | A:3 | P:6 | PIMs:4 | HIT:18 | Shots:10 | +/-:+1
S40 | EDM | GP:7 | G:1 | A:6 | P:7 | PIMs:4 | HIT:33 | Shots:15 | +/-:+2
S41 | EDM | GP:7 | G:2 | A:3 | P:5 | PIMs:12 | HIT:15 | Shots:15 | +/-:+1
S42 | EDM | GP:11 | G:5 | A:8 | P:13 | PIMs:10 | HIT:25 | Shots:38 | +/-:+1
S43 | EDM | Did not Qualify
S44 | EDM | GP:11 | G:4 | A:7 | P:11 | PIMs:12 | HIT:31 | Shots:42 | +/-:+3
S45 | EDM | GP:18 | G:7 | A:11 | P:18 | PIMs:24 | HIT:56 | Shots:68 | +/-:+8
S46 | EDM | GP:4 | G:0 | A:0 | P:0 | PIMs:2 | HIT:9 | Shots:11 | +/-:-5
S47 | EDM | GP:6 | G:3 | A:2 | P:5 | PIMs:6 | HIT:24 | Shots:25 | +/-:+2
S48 | EDM | GP:5 | G:2 | A:2 | P:4 | PIMs:0 | HIT:11 | Shots:19 | +/-:0
S49 | EDM | GP:23 | G:7 | A:17 | P:24 | PIMs:18 | HIT:76 | Shots:89 | +/-:-2
--------------------------------------------------------------
Awards and Achievements:
S37 | STL Kanye Summers Award for Regular Season Team MVP
S37 | STL Bradley Wingels Award for Best Forward
S40 | Gold Medal Winner
S40 | Aidan Richan Trophy Winner
S44 | Became 4th player in Edmonton Blizzard History to reach 1000 Hits
S45 | Challenge Cup Champion
S45 | Anton Razov Trophy for Playoff MVP
S45 | Silver Medal Winner
S46 | 1st Team All Star
S46 | Sarmad Kahn Nominee
S46 | Jef Darr Nominee
S47 | Jef Darr Nominee
S49 | Challenge Cup Champion
S49 | Anton Razov Nominee
--------------------------------------------------------------
Draft/Signing/Trade History:
S35 | Signed to STL
S36 | Drafted to Calgary 26th overall
S36 | Traded to Edmonton


Ambacas “Femboy Hooters” Cuddles | D | Tampa Bay Barracuda

Former USA Fed Head, Carolina Kraken Co-GM, Tampa Bay Barracuda GM

Around four minutes after Thorstrom's fantastic stop, it looks like Kelowna's Berg Svensen is being too lax with the puck. He takes one second too long to make the outlet pass, and...

CRUNCH! He's knocked down to the ice by Montreal's Ravyn Tedisko. That'll teach him to keep his mind on the game, alright.

Gotta keep your head up when @"Darkened_Rose_16" is on the ice